Encouragement.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. (Romans 12: 3-8)

Growing up in the church, I was often taught about spiritual gifts and that we should use the ones we possess to God's glory. I always had a hard time figuring out which ones were mine. I was no prophet. Although I could teach, was I really good at it? I can give, but when I gave did I give generously or with strings attached? And anyone who knows me, knows that I sure as heck don't show mercy. Encouragement always stuck out to me as not a "real" gift. Anyone can encourage (which is true). But can just anyone have a heart for encouragement? 

I'm often at a loss for words. I have never been the outgoing, center of the conversation type. I'm much more awkward than insightful. In the past, when I've had conversations with people about their situations, frankly my mind goes blank and I am terrified of inserting my foot in my mouth and causing more harm than good. So all I've ever done is listen and inserted a "wow" or "goodness gracious" or the best one, "I'll be praying for you." While all of those phrases were heartfelt and genuine, they were never really the best response. And while I'm now no Shakespeare when it comes to situations like this, I've realized what my response should be. 

Encourage.

It's not telling people what they want to hear. It's not giving out fake compliments or empty phrases. It's not lying and saying things will get better if you have no idea if they will or won't. The true gift of encouragement is looking at people through Jesus' eyes, seeing what he sees, and then saying it. When I slow down and listen and observe and take every preconceived notion and thought out of my mind and just see people... how can I not see the beauty that is within? How can I not see the strength and resilience that shines? How can I not see that we're all just getting by?

A funny thing happened to me I started to do this. When I encouraged people for their strength, it spurred me on to be stronger. When I encouraged people for their positive attitude, it made me see just how ugly negativity is. When I saw that everyone struggled, I gave more grace for myself and for them. The more I encouraged others, the more encouraged I was. 

We think we have to tell people what to do or what they're doing wrong or what they did wrong. While there are, of course times when we need to speak truth in love... IN LOVE.. and if we can't honestly speak it in love then we shouldn't speak it at all. I'm learning that every conversation doesn't need to be peppered with my opinion. At times, whether in agreement or in disagreement, all people need to hear is encouragement, and maybe... just maybe... if your opinion is right, the Lord will lead them to that on their own. It's about using discernment. It's about cultivating a love for our God so we can really learn to love people. 

So I challenge you. Take a day to build one another up. Encourage your husband. Encourage that person at the gym who runs faster than you. Tell your kiddos just why they're awesome. Have a person and situation that you're just on the fence about? Take a step back and REALLY look at the situation and find something to encourage them with. Take yourself out of the equation and focus on others. You'll be amazed at what you see.